Wow! It's been a long time since I've posted. I didn't realize that people were still coming to this site and reading and sharing. At the height of my posting on this blog, the pressure was intense. I had to take a break. Over the years, I have had numerous emails and phone calls from people I've never met wanting to share their personal experience of abuse and ask questions. If I'm being honest, it was all too much for me to hold and bear. I had to step back and focus on my family for a season. It's been a long season.
In the past 6 years, I've learned of more survivors of the abuse of Christ Church Northgate and Christ Church Kirkland. I have watched the miracle of my entire family walk out the doors of this cult and I've also seen the final closure of the doors of this "church" that abused spiritually, physically and emotionally hundreds of people who came looking for love, connection, faith and community.
There is a church still operating under a new name and by the son of one of the original "pastors" of abuse. I can't say if these people operate the same but what I can say, is this leader never stepped away from being a pastor and never took the time to grieve his part in the history of this place or question the leadership that had been imparted to him, for which he had trained and been mentored by. I would caution anyone attending to be on guard. Don't assume that abuse isn't lurking in the shadows. Generations can continue to carry forth the abuse when it hasn't been owned and repented for.
CCK closed it's doors in December 2015. Really it's a miracle. Some say this blog opened the door for people to begin to question. To start contemplating what if this is all true? To all of you who bravely shared your experience, know that it was worth it and valuable. Your bravery spared children from abuse, made a way out for those who were being abused and opened the door for others to walk out and begin to heal and live a life of authenticity.
I don't believe this is the end of the story. I had a call from someone at the Union Gospel Mission recently wanting to know about Norm Willis and voicing concern that he had been coming around wanting to be involved. Abusers are always looking for victims.
For those who were victims of the Christ Church Northgate days, I know your legal options are slim. I know that you need more current victims to come forward. I know that some of you just want to move on with your life and never look back. I've sat with detectives, I know the process is daunting. If you are a victim of sexual or physical abuse at the hands of any of the leaders or members of CCN or more recently CCK, you have options and you're not alone. If there is a group who would like to look at the legal remedies available, including more recent victims, you have options. For those who have gained your voice, you can be named in the proceedings and for those who need to remain anonymous, you can be a Jane or John doe. There is also counseling and healing waiting to help you move forward in your life. The biggest thing I need you to know is that you're not alone. Please know that you can contact me, I will help connect you with other victims if you choose and your identity will be kept confidential. You are all survivors!
"Speak out on behalf of the voiceless, and for the rights of all who are vulnerable. Speak out in order to judge with righteousness and to defend the needy and the poor." -Proverbs 31:8&9
In love and faithfulness
-Tina
freesitintime@gmail.com
425-248-3934
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I just re read a lot of the blog. I had family at CCK since the beginning of the formal split from CCN. I spent a couple decades at CCN - but did not continue on to CCK. I don't hear much about the CCK split. But what I do hear is mostly the sadness from the loss of community.
ReplyDeleteWhen I left CCN - I felt like I had to relearn everything. What was biblical, and what was the opinion of the leadership. I looked deep into my own heart and found that I needed a big heart adjustment.
I don't like physical manifestations of worship because I was always watching at CCN who was worshipping and how. How high were their hands, their dancing, their prolific prayer language. I made sure my hands were high, and I danced and spoke in tongues so others would know I loved God Fiercely.
I tried to behave perfectly, and keep away from all impurity, eating, sleeping and breathing all the rules. The inner circle always eluded me - I was on the fringe. I watched those with engaging personalities, money, and stellar looks elevate from their "lives of sin" straight into that "circle", yet it somehow was just out of my grasp.
I didn't realize how abnormal that was. Abnormal to have the circle, abnormal to keep trying to get into it.
I now resist the churches that participate in chanting worship, over physical worshipping churches, churches who look like they are marketing God or their church with 'how cool they are'. Humility is what I look for, Love, caring. The worship doesn't tug at me the way it did - but the benefits are worth losing that.
That's not to say that those churches don't have a place, or that they are bad - but my specific background makes those very undesirable to me, they seem to tap into that 'grasping' and 'comparing' that CCN bred in me - and I don't want to feed it.
I acknowledge that is my own sin nature - but if you listen to all the testimonies here - its a familiar one testimony. It's something that the culture of the 'church' grew in individuals, if not intentionally - as a byproduct of a flawed structure.
Since I respect and love so many of the zealous faithful that CCK attracted, I wonder - was their introspection about how they treated others when CCK imploded? I haven't seen it. I've seen their pain at their own loss of community, but not regarding how they treated others.
It's almost as if they don't see it at all. It's terribly disappointing. Maybe it's there, and they are just trying to stay quiet, the way I stayed quiet - so they can keep what is left of their fractured relationships. But hopefully, that wouldn't preclude them from looking at their own investment in what happened.
I'd love to know what's left at the end. I didn't realize there was another church in the same building, run by the same folks. : (
Would like to hear your story. I grew up at CCN and attended NCC. The cult left me wounded for decades. Kevin Zoerb
DeleteYes, lies come in many flavors - especially inside the church. And when one church, and one set of leaders touts themselves above all others (shepherding movement) - it almost always spells trouble and cult-like tendencies. I attended CCK for 2 years between 2002 and 2004. I always was curious about the intensity there - never quite understanding all of it. Some amount of spiritual passion is of course good - but not when directed in human pursuits, and as we can read from some of the blogs downright emotional, and if the accounts are accurate physical and sexual abuse of some of the kids that came up through the cult-like atmosphere. I'm only sorry I didn't understand what was going on sooner, and as we've all pulled away and look back, it makes our sorrow great for those that were abused in any number of ways.
ReplyDeleteI too have seen Norm poking around UGM - where I volunteer. Not sure what to make of that frankly, given all I know. Norm's a person, but the power structure he came out of, and 'built' at CCK was, imho, sinful and man-centered. May we all humbly seek Christ in the churches, and contribute to godliness and raise up godly leaders.
The Church is no perfect place - but neither, ever is it a place to harbor sin and pursue human and even evil agendas. As Paul would say, "May it NEVER be." I'm so proud of all of you who've survived and gone on to freedom in the Lord Jesus. Jesus Christ is 'perfect altogether' and wept for all abused through CCK/CCN, and anywhere in our world. Let's stand together for the TRUTH of Jesus Christ, and not these manmade, and clearly ultimately evil notions of 'church' made in man's image. I now attend a wonderful Assemblies of God church with my wife and family. It is no perfect place - but is at once wonderful and passionate for the things of Christ. May you find your way home to the loving Father in heaven!
Thanks,
Bruce
It has been a year some this past was made. I was part of a master's commission program in Oklahoma City that came out of the program at CCK. The church they're emulated CCK to a scary degree and was very cultish compared to my home church. I can identify with many of these stories feeling bullied by church leaders. I knew many people from CCK. I'm still trying to put together what happened at the church and what caused it to blow up. I know some but still trying to preve together it.
ReplyDeleteThank you for keeping this blog active. I left CCK when I was 16. I'm 37 now and sometimes it feels like that part of my life was a dream. Did that really happen or did I imagine it? When I found this site, I felt grounded, like someone finally told me, "you're not crazy." I hope you continue to keep this page active. It's anchored me from time to time and I'm sure I'm not alone in that.
ReplyDeleteI grew up at Christ Monroe and have had the exact same experience. I was in a troubled home so I got sucked into wanting to do anything to belong. The church never intervened with my home abuse, even though they new about it. As I got older they just ran me ragged with service commitments to almost every ministry they had going. Once CCK/the Dustin and Misty plant took over they removed all of us who had been there from leadership out and put their group in our places, to the point of changing the locks and taking away our church keys! I was never accepted really and always kept on the fringes but kept in enough to get my money and all the free labor. I was in many meetings where they would intervene in my life whenever they thought they might lose me. They made me drop out of college because my school schedule would interfere with being present at homegroup meetings. They threatened that if I didn't drop out I would have to step down as a leader. I was not allowed to date and if I showed any interest in men I was told to stop interacting with them because I was making them stumble. As I was growing into womanhood I had several times I was talked to and made to get rid of clothes because my body started being too "distracting." I became so afraid of causing a man to fall into sin that I was constantly in anxiety about my body and appearance. Quite a few of my friends were sexually abused by someone in our church and it was shoved under the rug and dealt with "in house." All of it was brought to CCK leadership because our church was under and inferior to CCK. We monrovians were never accepted at CCK and always seen as less than. The family camps at warm beach we were always put to the side and given the corner of the camp. When I would try to visit other people's camp sites to be friendly, I was rudely ignored and rebuffed. At youth camps as a youth leader I was disregarded and called a liar for sticking up for my kids. I had one camp in particular when we went to a park and i was the first one to go to the bathroom. There was grafitti in there of course and names carved into the stalls. It came up in a meeting later that evening that the name of the speaker next to some swear words was on one of the stalls and one of the cck girls who didn't like one of my gals (i had been counselling her about it) accused her of doing it. I talked to Eric Trout and His wife about the fact that I had seen that graffiti in the bathroom before anyone else had been in there and what was going on with the two girls. They didn't believe me and said I was lying! And Eric Trout also chewed me out when I was supposed to show up and do powerpoint for worship one of those mornings. He brought his laptop with the powerpoint program but it didn't want to connect to the camp buildings projector screen. He said it was my fault and that I should know more about electronics and that he would need a better servant next time.
ReplyDeleteThe McCuens would confront me whenever I missed a meeting or if I didn't make sure everyone showed up. If someone didn't show it was my fault and I was a bad leader. It was not uncommon to get chewed out during church services if I wasn't doing a good enough job at something in their minds. It was humiliating to be called rebellious or stupid in front of my youth kids and other members. As a child I also remember the pain of my family being so harshly unaccepted. My mom was forced to step down from the worship team because we went through some rough times financially and couldn't afford to tithe and pay our bills. We went without electricity for 3 months so that our family wouldn't lose face just to tithe!! My mom also would get talked to frequently for indecent exposure. She had a large upper chest and would get talked to if anything showed during the worship services when she was on stage.
I was at first discouraged by my leaders from doing masters commission, they thought I couldn't handle it when I was in my late teens.
But once the new plant came, every time they would have a confrontation meeting because I wasn't morphing into them, you know -the charismatic, outgoing, subservient person they wanted me to be - I was told that the reason I was not married yet or in higher leadership was because I was too rebellious and needed to quit my job and go to MC's. I was less than because i didn't do mcs and was not married. Unmarrieds were disposable and used to accomplish all their services, childcare and outreaches. I worked a full time job that was early shift and had to be at all the ministry practices and services 6 days a week. I had to show up before the meetings to help set up and pray and I had to stay afterwards to clean up and give rides home to people who couldn't drive themselves. It got to where I was so worn out I got pneumonia for 4 months ! Not once did any of the leadership call me to see if I was okay. All I got were phone calls of, "can you do this childcare class or powerpoint or make sure this gets done? After 20 years of abuse and almost dying with it being obvious that none of them really noticing or caring I left. I am not bitter anymore, just sad that I wasted so much of my life trying to be good enough to belong and realizing that it was all a toxic cult. Growing up in it really messes with your head. I am not at all turned off to God, I know he is not part of this. But I am much more turned off to church. I cannot see myself trusting a community again after such a horrendous experience and toxic control. There were good people there, but just blind to how toxic it actually was. But bad people too, who manipulated and controlled to promote their own agenda and cover up anything unsavory going on that would possibly discourage the whole picture of perfection.
ReplyDeleteI hope my experience alerts people that might be prone to committing to an unhealthy organisation because they need a place to feel belonging. Relationships are needed as healthy human beings, but not to the point where someone else has complete say over your life and you have no autonomy. No one has the right to tell you who you are, what you should be doing, where you should work, who you should marry, or what you should do with your life. Nor can they tell you what your relationship status with God is. All those things are between you and God alone.
Another thing I just remembered, you used to have vision meetings every year where they would bring someone in with a prophet gift to tell people what God wanted to say to them. For years I would wait expectantly to get a word but was never chosen to come up. Once i got into upper leadership I found out why. The meetings weren't at the random moving of the spirit. The leaders would meet together and make up a list of who they wanted the prophet to speak to. When I asked why they did this, they said that they had prayed about it and God told them who He wanted to minister to. I got into trouble for bringing it up that it wasn't fair.
ReplyDelete